... the good and the bad ...
One of the reasons that I haven't been blogging so much lately is that I've found that my blog has become a stomping ground for my personal gripes ... and while there's still many things to be thankful for in my life, I find that this blog is sort of a nice place to air out some of my frustrations. So, having said that, I'm starting with the good, and ending with the bad today. Please watch for the [****] so you can stop with just the good, if you don't want me to ruin your day. :) It won't hurt my feelings at all!
So, here's the beginning of the good ...
* I sent out some fun stuff for my secret pal, spun on my CD drop spindle ...
... my version of "poor woman's Manos",
hand-dyed after it was spun ...
... two overspun singles, plied into a "poor woman's Biggy Print" ...
* I got an amazing package from my Handspun SP -- an amazing couple of handspun skeins ...
... I'm leaning toward mittens for these. What do you think? ...
In addition, she sent a huge 8 oz hank of Crown Mountain Farms superwash merino roving in "Let's Hang On."
This is the softest merino I've ever felt ... it sort of reminds me of handpaintedyarns or malabrigo, I guess. And now that I've started googling what this yarn looks like spun up, I'm obsessed with buying more of this stuff. If you have time check out this ... and this ... and this ... and this ... you get the idea. Obsessed. More on this later. Thanks, Kelly!
(Oh, and P.S., there were also chocolate goodies tucked into the package which I, as always, extracted and hid before my kids could find it.)
* I just did our taxes, and our tax rebate is going to really help us out of a few jams we've had lately. (More on that later.)
* And, because there's a little extra, look at what is peeking out from behind my chair that I brought home last weekend:
Yes, my very own spinning wheel! I was starting to sound a little whiny to the Big Sweetie, I think, because he finally said to me, "Yes, Little Sweetie, you have been very good lately ... go ahead and get one!" (The tax refund helped.) Purchased from Maggie Casey at my sorta-LYS, this little thing couldn't make me any happier. So, what shall I name it? Any ideas?
I've already spun up this ...
... singles plied with crochet cotton -- I have 4 skeins for about 250 yards total ...
and this ...
... yet more "poor woman's Biggy Print" --
which was way faster to ply than on the drop spindle! ...
and because I'm obsessed with that crack, I mean, CMF roving that Kelly sent me, I spun up this:
... now I get the whole "spinning-your-own-sock-yarn-thing" ...
I'm going to work on some baby bootees out of this tonight.
See what I mean about obsessed???
***
Okay, so here's the grumblings. You know that I have barely been around to blog recently ... as it's been, my husband has had a really difficult last couple of months. This is on top of a tough period that he had last spring, so it's just sort of all piled up together. For those of you who have small children, you can sympathize -- you just never get a break from those little wonderful inquiring minds, from the time they wake up, to the time they go to sleep. Add in to the mix a recent master's degree acquired, the debt from said master's degree needing to be paid off (but without an increase in pay salary), stress of not being able to support a family (read into that, more significant debt undertaken), a job interviewed for but not gotten (is that the correct tense of that word?), teaching an extra courseload to help make those ends meet, adding an ESL master's degree to the mix to help jazz up a resume, and you get the Big Sweetie just feeling and making himself very sick. In the last 12 months, we've had emergency room visits, specialists visited, MRI's visited, more specialists visited ... and in the end, all that we know is that he has had pertussis (caught it at school), has some sort of an ulcer somewhere which will only take time to heal, and he's a candidate for a hearing aid -- this last bit of information came from a ear-n-throat specialist that he saw because of the constant ringing in his ears that he's had for several months.
So, as you can imagine, life hasn't been so much fun as it's been survival around here. Whatever ... we make the choices we make, and we live with the consequences, right? Forget the fact that we can barely afford to pay for the appliances that we've been having to repair lately (furnace=$800, refrigerator=$350, washing machine=$200, dryer=$150), or the daycare that we have to pay now that I'm working (doesn't $635 for part-time care seem like an insane amount of money to pay? At least I love my daughter's school, because it means that I'm actually earning less per month than I'm paying for in childcare), and oh, the cost of all those medical debts (am I insane, or does $1400 seem like an unreasonable amount to pay for a person who does have health insurance, for an MRI that a doctor orders?). Still, forget all the money woes ... I see us at the end of the long dark financial tunnel, and there's a light at the end of it that's getting brighter all the time. We're going to be okay, after all, so I'm really not too terribly worried.
But then there's my job. I haven't publicly talked about my job much because of the whole Dooce thing, and other similar stories. Plus, because I'm a teacher, there's a real confidentiality that I have with my students that I can't really breach. But you may know that I'm teaching at an alternative high school in my district ... and I've just got to share a few things. This is the alternative school that is kind of a "last chance" effort to get kids graduated in my district. And as you can imagine, I deal with all kinds of kids here. Most of them are really nice ... and some of them are both nice and smart and have very few issues to deal with ... they just don't like the overpopulated big high schools. But really, most of my students are so disadvantaged that it makes me want to go home and cry ... I have students who can barely read, students who can barely write, students who have alcoholic and abusive parents, students who have alcoholic and abusive siblings, students who are themselves alcoholic/drug users and/or who are abusive to others, students who live in group homes, students who are about to be sent to group homes ... then, I have students who move from apartment to apartment, students who are so jealous of the "rich kids" that live here in Boulder, students whose only real meals are the free or reduced meals they get out of the school cafeteria (if you can call those real meals) ... really, this job takes so much more psychic energy than just a usual job where I show up from 9:00 - 2:00 (my official job hours, more or less). It's been so hard to go from that job, to the job of taking care of my over-stressed husband and wonderful (but needy) kids at home, that I just haven't had a whole lot of extra time for anything else.
(Even my cats have suffered.)
So, you can imagine my grief over learning about one of my students today through our local paper. Go ahead, and read the story (also, here) ... that's one of my students. I highly suspect that one of the other students being detained (her best friend) is in my class as well, but of course there's no confirmation from anybody right now ... I just happened to have matched up my student's address to the address in the paper. Seriously ... I can't help but saying to myself over and over, "Wow, this is the first day that I've ever found out that one of my students has murdered her mother ... this will never happen again ..." It's even freakier to think that she came to class last week -- last week! -- and asked me how she could get her make up work from the two previous weeks that she missed. I keep thinking that on those days, I wonder if her mother was already dead. I feel kind of how I felt after the Columbine deal (and I was teaching in that same school district at the time, pregnant with the Little Boy), although that incident, in so many ways, was really worse than this ... that is, if you can rate flat-out desensitized murder on a scale. I'm just filled with absolute disbelief and grief that I'm this close to life-changing and life-ending tragedy, and worry over my other students and how this is going to affect them. Life can be so tough sometimes for some people. (See how all of this makes my money-griping up above seem so absolutely trivial? At least I'm able to provide a home and love for my kids.)
Big sigh ... wow ... that was really a downer to write! I just thought I'd share some of the issues I've been facing ... and let you know that I'm hoping to jump back on the blogging horse one of these days and leave those gripes in the dust.
So ... here's to spinning up some more of that CMF roving tonight with a glass of merlot in my hand ... and I promise, promise, promise that I'll be back to share photos of the sweaters, both incomplete and complete.
So, here's the beginning of the good ...
* I sent out some fun stuff for my secret pal, spun on my CD drop spindle ...
... my version of "poor woman's Manos",hand-dyed after it was spun ...
... two overspun singles, plied into a "poor woman's Biggy Print" ...
... I'm leaning toward mittens for these. What do you think? ...In addition, she sent a huge 8 oz hank of Crown Mountain Farms superwash merino roving in "Let's Hang On."
This is the softest merino I've ever felt ... it sort of reminds me of handpaintedyarns or malabrigo, I guess. And now that I've started googling what this yarn looks like spun up, I'm obsessed with buying more of this stuff. If you have time check out this ... and this ... and this ... and this ... you get the idea. Obsessed. More on this later. Thanks, Kelly!
(Oh, and P.S., there were also chocolate goodies tucked into the package which I, as always, extracted and hid before my kids could find it.)
* I just did our taxes, and our tax rebate is going to really help us out of a few jams we've had lately. (More on that later.)
* And, because there's a little extra, look at what is peeking out from behind my chair that I brought home last weekend:
Yes, my very own spinning wheel! I was starting to sound a little whiny to the Big Sweetie, I think, because he finally said to me, "Yes, Little Sweetie, you have been very good lately ... go ahead and get one!" (The tax refund helped.) Purchased from Maggie Casey at my sorta-LYS, this little thing couldn't make me any happier. So, what shall I name it? Any ideas?
I've already spun up this ...
... singles plied with crochet cotton -- I have 4 skeins for about 250 yards total ... and this ...
... yet more "poor woman's Biggy Print" --which was way faster to ply than on the drop spindle! ...
and because I'm obsessed with that crack, I mean, CMF roving that Kelly sent me, I spun up this:
... now I get the whole "spinning-your-own-sock-yarn-thing" ...I'm going to work on some baby bootees out of this tonight.
See what I mean about obsessed???
***
Okay, so here's the grumblings. You know that I have barely been around to blog recently ... as it's been, my husband has had a really difficult last couple of months. This is on top of a tough period that he had last spring, so it's just sort of all piled up together. For those of you who have small children, you can sympathize -- you just never get a break from those little wonderful inquiring minds, from the time they wake up, to the time they go to sleep. Add in to the mix a recent master's degree acquired, the debt from said master's degree needing to be paid off (but without an increase in pay salary), stress of not being able to support a family (read into that, more significant debt undertaken), a job interviewed for but not gotten (is that the correct tense of that word?), teaching an extra courseload to help make those ends meet, adding an ESL master's degree to the mix to help jazz up a resume, and you get the Big Sweetie just feeling and making himself very sick. In the last 12 months, we've had emergency room visits, specialists visited, MRI's visited, more specialists visited ... and in the end, all that we know is that he has had pertussis (caught it at school), has some sort of an ulcer somewhere which will only take time to heal, and he's a candidate for a hearing aid -- this last bit of information came from a ear-n-throat specialist that he saw because of the constant ringing in his ears that he's had for several months.
So, as you can imagine, life hasn't been so much fun as it's been survival around here. Whatever ... we make the choices we make, and we live with the consequences, right? Forget the fact that we can barely afford to pay for the appliances that we've been having to repair lately (furnace=$800, refrigerator=$350, washing machine=$200, dryer=$150), or the daycare that we have to pay now that I'm working (doesn't $635 for part-time care seem like an insane amount of money to pay? At least I love my daughter's school, because it means that I'm actually earning less per month than I'm paying for in childcare), and oh, the cost of all those medical debts (am I insane, or does $1400 seem like an unreasonable amount to pay for a person who does have health insurance, for an MRI that a doctor orders?). Still, forget all the money woes ... I see us at the end of the long dark financial tunnel, and there's a light at the end of it that's getting brighter all the time. We're going to be okay, after all, so I'm really not too terribly worried.
But then there's my job. I haven't publicly talked about my job much because of the whole Dooce thing, and other similar stories. Plus, because I'm a teacher, there's a real confidentiality that I have with my students that I can't really breach. But you may know that I'm teaching at an alternative high school in my district ... and I've just got to share a few things. This is the alternative school that is kind of a "last chance" effort to get kids graduated in my district. And as you can imagine, I deal with all kinds of kids here. Most of them are really nice ... and some of them are both nice and smart and have very few issues to deal with ... they just don't like the overpopulated big high schools. But really, most of my students are so disadvantaged that it makes me want to go home and cry ... I have students who can barely read, students who can barely write, students who have alcoholic and abusive parents, students who have alcoholic and abusive siblings, students who are themselves alcoholic/drug users and/or who are abusive to others, students who live in group homes, students who are about to be sent to group homes ... then, I have students who move from apartment to apartment, students who are so jealous of the "rich kids" that live here in Boulder, students whose only real meals are the free or reduced meals they get out of the school cafeteria (if you can call those real meals) ... really, this job takes so much more psychic energy than just a usual job where I show up from 9:00 - 2:00 (my official job hours, more or less). It's been so hard to go from that job, to the job of taking care of my over-stressed husband and wonderful (but needy) kids at home, that I just haven't had a whole lot of extra time for anything else.
(Even my cats have suffered.)
So, you can imagine my grief over learning about one of my students today through our local paper. Go ahead, and read the story (also, here) ... that's one of my students. I highly suspect that one of the other students being detained (her best friend) is in my class as well, but of course there's no confirmation from anybody right now ... I just happened to have matched up my student's address to the address in the paper. Seriously ... I can't help but saying to myself over and over, "Wow, this is the first day that I've ever found out that one of my students has murdered her mother ... this will never happen again ..." It's even freakier to think that she came to class last week -- last week! -- and asked me how she could get her make up work from the two previous weeks that she missed. I keep thinking that on those days, I wonder if her mother was already dead. I feel kind of how I felt after the Columbine deal (and I was teaching in that same school district at the time, pregnant with the Little Boy), although that incident, in so many ways, was really worse than this ... that is, if you can rate flat-out desensitized murder on a scale. I'm just filled with absolute disbelief and grief that I'm this close to life-changing and life-ending tragedy, and worry over my other students and how this is going to affect them. Life can be so tough sometimes for some people. (See how all of this makes my money-griping up above seem so absolutely trivial? At least I'm able to provide a home and love for my kids.)
Big sigh ... wow ... that was really a downer to write! I just thought I'd share some of the issues I've been facing ... and let you know that I'm hoping to jump back on the blogging horse one of these days and leave those gripes in the dust.
So ... here's to spinning up some more of that CMF roving tonight with a glass of merlot in my hand ... and I promise, promise, promise that I'll be back to share photos of the sweaters, both incomplete and complete.
posted by jenifer at 3:04 PM
13 Comments:
Holy shit.
That's about all I can come up with right now.
Yeah, pretty much what Scout said.
Wow. That's a lot of stuff to deal with at once. Best wishes to you and your family with everything.
i'm sorry things have been so rough for you and yoru family. i hope things get better for you soon.
lovely spinning by the way!
I had a colleague - a COLLEAGUE - in my first year teaching here, who I really liked and respected, and wanted to get to know better because we shared a lot of interests. The summer after my first year, he tried to kill his wife, put her in ICU, and was arrested. Later, released on bail, he ended up killing himself. It's really very shocking when this sort of thing happens so close to us, that people we know are capable of horrific acts of violence.
I'm glad you got that spinning wheel. Mine is sadly unused right now - too much work. I'd love to ogle your handspun in person sometime soon.
Take care!
Jen, please don't apologize for needing to share this. You must be overwhelmed. Writing it down can help. Thinking of you!
Whoa. *hug* So much going on - hang in there, kiddo.
I don't even know what to say about your student. It boggles and horrifies...
What everyone else said, yeah. Wow. You and the Big Sweetie and the kids need a break. Happy thoughs out your way- and oh, what lovely yarn you have made! Enjoy that wheel!
Whew. You've had a lot on your plate! I totally get the survival-with-young-kids thing; much of the last couple of years has been like that for us, as well. Medical problems, financial worries, strain on marriage--ugh!! But you are right that a little perspective helps you pick up the pieces and keep going. As a social worker, I see a lot of the same things you see in your classroom, and my 10-15 hrs per week of work feel much more like 40 some weeks!
Hang in there, keep spinning (congrats on the new wheel!) and here's hoping that spring will bring in a new life phase.
Also--love the handspun--I saw your skein on Quantumtea's blog yesterday & loved it! Was she also the person who sent the roving to you--b/c it's the same link??
good luck with everything. Your brain must feel like soup - mine would anyway.
Sending you a cyber hug. Hang in there I am positive that everything will work itself out.
Amanda
Wow, there's a lot of stuff happening on your end. I hope the Big Sweetie is feeling better soon. I heard about the Lafayette woman. That's so bizarre a/b the student. You never know what can happen at any time. Unfortunately as human we can all be subject to violence.
*hugs*
My husband works with a similar student population to what you're describing. I have such admiration for people who do what you do.
Hang in there!
My stars. Sending all good vibes your way. I was just wondering how you've been doing as we were driving by your part of town yesterday. I really hope things improve and continue to improve for you and the family. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help out. Even if it's as small as meeting up for a little java and some time away from the house.
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